The Celtics Have A “Make Things Hard On Themselves” Kink I Cannot Get Over

Three things in life are certain: death, taxes, and the Celtics shooting themselves in the foot. The déjà vu is currently hitting harder than a Friday morning hangover. They lost Game 1 of the ECF against Miami last year and have once again let them bully their way to a dub. Like what good is homecourt advantage if you can’t win a single fucking game at home to start a series??

This was a golden opportunity for the Celts. They are one game removed from their best performance of the playoffs (and one of the best individual performances in franchise history by Tatum) and could have gone balls to the wall to prove to Miami that they learned something from last year. But I guess that’s just wishful thinking. In reality, Jimmy Butler bent us over his knee and spanked us, putting up 35/5/7 and recording 6 steals (the first player since Gary Payton to do so).

Simply put, the Celtics don’t have enough talent to win on talent alone. No team does. We saw the same thing happen against the Sixers. There was definitely heart in the first half (Robert Williams was electric to start the game and Smart was dishing alley-oops and lobs like he had been practicing in the womb). But even then the Celts were hardly dominant. There was no resistance against Butler and Bam and no pressure at the three point line. Still, I felt alright heading into the second half up by 9.

That all changed when Miami pulled out the Uno reverse card on the Celtics and popped off in the third with 46 points. Complete and total failure from top to bottom, and it starts with Joe.

9:42 into Q3 Max Strus hit his 3PM and cut the lead to six. Bam had just sunk the AND1. Momentum begins shifting as Miami starts to pick up speed. Then Al misses an open 3PA and Love makes a transition 3PM. CALL A TIMEOUT YOU FOOL. The lead is now 3 and play is starting to get sloppy. This isn’t fucking Monopoly. There’s no trading in four timeouts (houses) for a free throw at the end of the game (hotel). Well, Mazzulla didn’t and look what happened.

In all of four minutes, the Celtics flushed their 12 point lead down the toilet. Brown telegraphed passes and Smart went 1-2 from the line. Things only continued to unravel from there. By the time Joe finally called a timeout (which he spent throwing his clipboard and preaching the same B.S. he does every game about having a winning mentality), the damage had been done, both mentally and physically. Stupid mental mistakes continued to plague the Cs. They came out of the timeout down 79-78 and let Butler and Caleb Martin score back to back threes to keep the seperation. (The Celtics gave up a 24-13 run by the end of the quarter.) Let’s all take a second to honor the chromosome Malcolm Brogden lost on this transition in the final seconds.

Genuinely what on Earth was he thinking here? Leaving the strong side corner to cover fucking Cody Zeller? Absolute bonehead play that cannot keep happening.

Now kudos to Miami. They were way more aggressive defensively and played with a purpose on offense. More importantly however, they are NOT cowards like Harden and Embiid. They will play for four full quarters with maximum intensity. It doesn’t matter that the Celts had the better start or played better for 3 of the quarters. If you play zero defense and play with the intensity of a regular season game for even just one quarter, the Heat WILL take it to you. And that’s what we saw. Miami shot 66/66% with 6 3PM. They stole 4 OREB and went from down 12 to up 12, out-scoring the Celtics 46-25 in the 3rd.

I’ll be honest, I thought things might be turning around the first couple minutes of Q4. The Celts were on a mini 7-0 run when Spo called a timeout (94 seconds in). After that it was back to losing basketball for the Celtics. Brown and Tatum combined for 6 turnovers and the latter didn’t attempt a single field goal the entire quarter. The fact that Boston iced out their best player is beyond me. Instead of letting Tatum control the floor and make the plays he made in Game 7, Joe had him act as a screener or spacer to allow Brown and Brogden to sink shots (which they consistently didn’t).

Don’t get me started with the free throws: 7 missed FTs and the Celtics lost by 7. Gutpunch to the max. If I had a nickel for every time I heard “If we had Jimmy to shoot our free throws it wouldn’t be close,” I could probably buy Northeastern (Brown and Butler shot 66% and 84% from the line). This is not a naive fan undermining some skillful, systematic play. It’s a goddam free throw. I once watched a group of 10 international Asian guys sink 10 free throws in a row from FROM THE LINE at Marino. It is do-able. Just like this series.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t irritated. The Celtics have the skills. The talent. The fortitude. The resilience. They just decide Game 1 after Game 1 not to show up. They got out played and out toughed in all respects. AND AT HOME. That’s fucking embarrasing. Straight up pitiful. There was so much on the line tonight and we played like we just didn’t want it. “Bounce Back” by Big Sean better be blasting in the locker room Friday that’s all I will say. Until then, let’s just agree last night was a complete and utter disaster.